Going Good

It's been quiet with Mamacita for a couple of weeks. She is starting to sleep a little more, but her spirits & awareness are still good. This last week we went back to the eye dr & they swapped out her lenses to just single vision, as the bifocals were making things blurry. Think about relaxing in a recliner & watching tv: if your head leans back, you are looking through the bifocals. So it's been a little better, but she still has some days that are darker - that's the left eye's cataract plus the brain swelling probably.

It is such a blessing to live here. Besides seeing her whenever I want, I get to enjoy my brother's family! And my dad's sister, Vida, lives here too, so my support system is pretty good. Dad came & spent the weekend with us this past weekend. It was so good having that extra bit of support & friendship with him.

God gets to use us where we are, as I was reminded on Sunday. This past Sunday, the church didn't show up. It usually happens once a month. It irks me, though. This may be some of the only outside interaction some of these people have. Most of the residents can't get out to enjoy a church worship time anymore, but they do look forward to the singing and word from the pastors. Sometimes there may only be about 10-15 in attendance, but Sunday there were about 40+. As I'm sitting there with Mom waiting, I realize they aren't showing up. So I go over to the piano, & we sing hymns. I figured about 15 minutes was enough. But they wanted more. So we went to about 4:30, which is the normal time. It was nice, but I'm still disappointed with the church on the schedule.

I'm also doing a Bible study of "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope. It's unbelievably good! I highly recommend it to anyone who struggles with doubting yourself and living confidently in Christ.

Sleeping Beauty

Mom awakened in the middle of the night Sunday early morning and was a little panicky. I found out later it was due to a dream she was having that I was sleeping in the bed next to her. Then when she woke up, she couldn't find me. She got a little rattled, and then by the time I didn't go see her until 1 pm, she was very upset because she thought I was abandoning her. She was ok once I got there, but was still a little "un-nerved" by the whole thing.

We'll try to make sure they don't shut off at least one of her room lights so she doesn't get upset if she wakes up & can't figure out where she's at due to darkness. Also, I've left orders for them to call me if it happens again, as far as being scared that she can't find me. Hopefully it doesn't happen again, tho.

Yesterday she slept & slept. She was very tired. But a peaceful sleep. Today she was a lot better. First thing this morning she was perky & ready for the day.

This afternoon she's catching a little cat nap, and having visions of SOMETHING dancing in her head, haha. She's talking in her sleep, which is not the normal for her. It's quite entertaining. The subjects change very randomly. But it's still nice to sit here & enjoy her company. She's not in the normal deep sleep she normally finds.
Random comments:

• the crocodile babies were bothered some
• 4 times 9 i s 36, right?
• it's an hour from plymel to pierceville, isn't it?
• I didn't get any of the biscuits & gravy

She must be half asleep, because she just was muttering something about rehabilitation, and then she said, "no, that doesn't make sense!" THAT'S WHEN I snapped this picture. Yes it's not a pretty picture, but please take it in context.


Sleep issues seem to run in the family. I also have crazy, vivid dreams that linger throughout the day. I usually don't fight insomnia, and mom doesn't either. But boy can our minds forget to shut off! :-)

So on Sunday night I have this weird dream about falling asleep at a lunch table. I've been so tired, but actually felt good on Monday. I think I must have gotten some extra sleep during that dream. Just funny...

The Butterfly Effect of Mamacita

Today was a good day for mom, but there's little moments that make me sad and happy all at once. Mom asked me tonight, "What if I die tonight?"

Photo courtesy of antibarbie; stock.xchng

Gulp.

I answered her that I would miss her a lot. And I said that I would be happy for her as she would get to go to heaven. I'll miss her no matter when she gets to go. She's scared. It's got to be scary. I know she's scared about hurting and suffering more. But I reminded her that I'm so thankful for all the days we've gotten to be together. And one day we would all get to see her again. We would meet her there.

Physically, she's hanging in there. Her leg is still extremely swollen and sometimes it hurts, other times it feels swollen, but without pain. For that I'm grateful. She was supposed to get a new bed today, but it didn't come. Maybe tomorrow.

There's a lovely nurses aide that is a little shy and quiet, but I love her spirit. She reminds me of mom in her little bubbly and friendly personality when you speak to her. She calls mom "butterfly." Mom loves butterflies and has several in her room. I always think of my mamacita when I see one, and I'm sure I always will. That's a real butterfly effect there!

Thank you Lord for this time.

THE Conversation

Wow.... so I had THE conversation with mom. Telling her about her health. Explaining that she had a tumor removed almost a year ago. That we knew it would come back someday. That it appears as if a tumor is back, whether it's new or the same one regrowing, we don't know, but she's not going to get better.

Darin & I have had a few heart-to-hearts about this over the past few weeks. We can't bear to watch her suffer and hurt anymore. So we're not going to make her take the chemo pills for five days out of every month. She was excited at that news. She said she had a good life and was ready to go whenever it was time. She said she had been talking to Marvin James lately. Marvin preceded Mom to heaven a few years back. She rattled on and on things she was thankful for. It's so humbling to hear her express her gratefulness. I told Mom about how she continues to be an inspiration and teacher to me.

Back in the hospital last week, there was a certain night nurse that got under my skin. She was quite impatient and didn't like to give mom time to speak. She was just quick doing her job and didn't do well with trying to warn mom when she was about to touch her. She didn't have a manner that was "caring" as I got aggravated at her. About 2-3 days later, she was back on a day shift. Mom was having a good day, and conversed with her as much as she could. About the time the nurse was done checking her lines, giving her pills, etc., mom reaches toward her, and I told the girl that Mom was wanting to give her a hug. It kind of caught the girl off guard, but she gave mom a quick and impersonal hug. Mom then went on to tell her, "Thank you for being so nice to me." THAT caught the girl dead in her tracks. You could tell she wasn't used to someone showing her appreciation or ever telling her that she was nice. THAT is my mamacita. I hope I've learned from her and will show my appreciation and gratitude to people. And when someone isn't the kindest, show them the Father's love anyway.

It isn't a conversation anyone ever wants to have. It was necessary and Mom actually opened the door to it, asking about MRIs and when she had to go to Dr. Moore again. I had prayed to God last night to give me the words and to tell me when she was ready and would understand. We laughed and cried, and I hope she is at peace knowing what's going on, as much of any of us can.

May this time we have together be sweet and as comfortable as can be for her. I will always cherish it. Thank you Lord.

Prayers Needed Today

It's Friday today. We brought Mom back home to Salem Home on Tuesday afternoon. She has been doing great mentally, able to communicate & converse & laugh. I love to hear her laugh.

Wednesday she was anxious to see everyone, & I'm sure was on her feet more than she should have been. Yesterday it hurt a little more, but today, it's very swollen again and a little painful if she doesn't keep it elevated. We have calls into the doctor who saw her in the hospital. I really hope he has some advice to help this go back down. Meanwhile, I'm working from her room to keep her company with that leg elevated.

Please say a little prayer that we have a good weekend & can get the swelling going the other direction again!

January 3, 2012

Happy New Year!

This is hopefully the last day in the hospital in Newton for Mom. She's doing GREAT today. She has gone for a couple walks already this morning & says she is ready to go outside.

Her speech is 100% better. She's making complete sentences & not stumbling over very many words. It's such a drastic improvement. The leg is better and not hurting her anymore. It's still a little swollen and a little red, but better.

It's been a memorable Christmas & New Year. I'm sure it makes my top 10 :-). I hope you all had a great holiday season & remember our Christ.

December 27, 2011

Starting back in November the main focus become to get mom down, if not off of steroids. It's been a little challenging, but then last week, there was a bigger change, plus a big problem with her leg. It was very swollen and started having some discoloration. We saw a doctor, but he seemed to think it was just fluid. After 2 days on diuretics, there was no change, so at that point he doubled those. Then Sunday morning (Christmas Day) her pain was excruciating, especially after she fell out of bed!

We went to the ER, followed by a little ride to Newton via ambulance. It was so painful for her & so many things going on she had a hard time! Starting last week, she really started having a difficult time speaking. She had a new MRI on Dec. 7. The oncologist saw her the 14th, and said it was inconclusive. I won't get into my opinion of his reading skills, but we were pretty sure there were some changes indicating otherwise. Sunday at the ER, a wonderful oncologist was covering from KU med, KC. He looked at the MRI and SHOWED US some new spots. As he so wisely explained, when brain cancer of the GBM type occur, it's like throwing a handful of sand into the brain. It's hard to see it all until it starts growing. The bigger spot that he saw was in the region that controls some of the motor skills. It's become a challenge for her to eat by herself.

Back to the leg: it's a major blood clot. So we are still at the Newton hospital with thinners trying to break up the blood clot. I'm sure it's starting to work, but her leg is still swollen and red and sore to the touch. We hope that goes down very soon. They are also giving her a higher dose of steroids to try to get her mental status and communication skills back a little. This morning she isn't nearly as confused, but she's still having problems talking. Her vocal has picked up several new words since yesterday tho, so it's getting better. We hope for all we can get.